Posted By: Sheri (15 DaysOfNotSmoking YES!!) on 'Humor'
Title:     Church Notices
Date:      Fri Mar  5 01:26:00 1999

> 1)   Don't let worry kill you.  Let the Church help.
> 2)   Thursday night-Potluck Supper.  Prayer and medication to follow.
> 3)   Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and
> community.
> 4)   For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
> nursery downstairs.
> 5)   The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of
> David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
> 6)   This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north
> ends of
> the church.  Children will be baptised at both ends.
> 7)   Tuesday at 4PM there will be an ice cream social.  All ladies
> giving
> milk will please come early.
> 8)   Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet.  Mrs. Jones will
> sing
> "Put Me In My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.
> 9)   Thursday at 5PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers
> Club.
> All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his
> private study.
> 10)  This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward
> and
> lay an egg on the altar.
> 11)  The service will close with "Little Drops of Water".  One of the
> ladies will start (quietly) and the rest of the congregation will join
> in.
> 12)  Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the
> cost of
> the new carpet.  All those wishing to do something on the new carpet
> will
> come forward and get a piece of paper.
> 13)  The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and
> they
> may be seen in the church basement Friday.
> 14)  A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
> Music will follow.
> 15)  At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is
> Hell?"  Come early and listen to our choir practice.
> 16)  Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian
> Church.
> Please use large double door at the side entrance.
> 17)  The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
> 18)  Pastor is on vacation.  Massages can be given to church
> secretary.
> 19)  8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of
> several
> new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
> 20)  Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
> 21)  The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who
> enjoys
> sinning to join the choir.
> 22)  Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who is
> preparing for the girth of their first child.
> 23)  Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles, and other items to be
> recycled.  Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
> 24)  The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed
> potatoes,
> green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
> 25)  The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign
> slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge -- Up Yours."

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