Posted By: Xyster (MumExMcNNbCs) on 'Humor'
Title:      Engineering
Date:      Mon May 17 17:05:00 1999

ENGINEERS ... The wonder of them all ...


     1.  Comprehending Engineers - Take One

     Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
"Where did you get such a great bike?"
     The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday
minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She
threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take
what you want.'"
     The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes
probably wouldn't have fit."

     ******************************

     2.  Comprehending Engineers - Take Two

     An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it
was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.  The architect
said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an
enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his
mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The
engineer said, "I like both."
     "Both?" Engineer: "Yeah.  If you have a wife and a mistress, they
will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can
go to the plant and get some work done."

     *******************************

     3.  Comprehending Engineers - Take Three

     What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
Engineers?
     Mechanical Engineers build weapons.
     Civil Engineers build targets.

     *******************************

     4.  Comprehending Engineers - Take Four

     The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
     The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
     The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it
cost?"
     The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries
with your Big Mac?"

     ********************************

     5.  Comprehending Engineers - Take Five

     To the optimist, the glass is half full.
     To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
     To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

     **********************************

     Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a
conference.  At the station, the three lawyers each buy tickets and
watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.
     "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked
one of the three lawyers.  "Watch and you'll see," answers one of the
engineers.
     They all board the train.  The lawyers take their respective seats
but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind
them. Shortly after the train has departed, the  conductor comes around
collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket,
please."  The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a
ticket in hand.  The conductor takes it and moves on.
     The lawyers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea.  So
after the conference, the lawyers decide to copy the engineers on the
return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy
a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the
engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel
without a ticket," asks one perplexed lawyer. "Watch and you'll see,"
says one of the engineers. When they board the train, the three lawyers
cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one
nearby.  The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers
leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the lawyers are
hiding.  He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please."

(z posty,  kp@klub-panicu.cz)